The last time I wrote about relationships, I shared WHAT REAL WOMEN WANT AND NEED in a man. This time we also get to hear some words from the other type of species. 😉
What do real men want and need in a woman?
Before I share the answers to this question, I would like to address an important concern first. I spoke to a lot of women who asked me this question and just last night another woman asked me this, “MEN? Where are they?” This question, which became a statement or even a source of amusement, could be funny at first but definitely a sad reality. It’s sad to think that most women view good men as almost nonexistent. And I must confess that I was one of them too. I also experienced being “hopeless” at one point in my life until God changed my view about men.
Good and quality men still exist. Although some of them may seem to be a “moo-moo” or ghost (you know the type of men who suddenly appears and disappears out of nowhere?). Oh wait, we’re talking about good and quality men here. 😉 Anyway, yes they are still around and they are REAL! So before going further, I would like to thank these REAL AND OUTSTANDING MEN who made time to answer my question. I was ‘lucky’ to get answers from about twenty five men even when one of them told me, “I think men are: 1) too busy with other things, 2) generally not interested in the topic (no offense)“. So for those who made time to answer my question, in behalf of all the women in the world – THANK YOU! (You’re actually doing yourself a favor. More women will understand and appreciate you after this.) :p Half kidding, my goal for this article is for us to understand the men in our lives more. I’m not just talking about your husbands or potential lifetime partners here but this can also be applied for the other men in our lives (our dads, brothers, male relatives and friends). How can we encourage them? What are the things that they appreciate about us? What do they want and need from us? How can we bring out the best in each other? Without further talk, here’s the rough summary and the answers straight from real and outstanding men: *Please note that when I say real and outstanding men, I meant men who are leaders in their industries and influential in their sphere. Some of them are speakers, authors, and artists; philanthropists, weirdos (just kidding), businessmen and entrepreneurs, and most of them whom I personally know are with solid character. Quality right?
(Mid 20’s to Early 40’s)
“What are the top three things that you want and need from a woman (mate/partner)?”
- A WOMAN WHO LOVES GOD
I think there’s something remarkably captivating when a woman is so in love with the Lord that her focus and priority becomes Him and the things that He wants to accomplish through her and in her life. And this is what pleases most men in the list. When the center of a woman’s life is Jesus, she is secure and confident. She is also forgiving to other people and even to herself. She is humble and teachable but can also be firm and strong when needed. She has the right conviction and values.
” A learner – knows who she is, can laugh at herself and be culturally curious (although it’s possible for people to travel, it’s not automatic that they’re up for a full on immersion and passionate to meet new people), and discerning – knows who the Holy Spirit is, listens to the Holy Spirit’s steps so we could pursue God’s calling together even if it means doing new things like moving countries, learning a new language, or trailblazing a new career” – Karlo, Businessman
- A WOMAN WHO’S BEAUTIFUL AND ACTIVE
Men are visual beings and they love being active. Women are more emotional (we want affection and tenderness) and men are more physical (in terms of their “sight” and activities).
“Sexy, maganda at mabango” – Charles, Entrepreneur
Most single men described what they like in their mate or partner as someone who’s “beautiful inside and out”. Some even gave answers as specific as “a woman who’s tall and with long legs”. Generally, men are also attracted to women who are physically fit, athletic and adventurous. They appreciate a woman who can take care of herself and who’s not allergic to sweat.
“God is her priority, active and fun” – Harvard, Founder and Chairman at U! Happy Events
- A WOMAN WHO HAS BRAINS
We all know that beauty fades and whether we like it or not other physical things will also sag in time. So it’s comforting to know that besides beauty, men are looking for brains!
“Masarap kausap, athletic, and has a great sense of humor.” – Jose “Quest” Villanueva III,
25 years oldSinger/Songwriter
Included on top of the list that men are looking for in a mate or partner is someone who’s sharp and independent, intellectual, and can carry a good and interesting conversation. So women, better read, learn and be interesting. 😉
“Physically and intellectually beautiful in my eyes, she’s passionate about the things that she gets into. She has a life. Sweet but not a pushover, someone who can stand her ground but someone who won’t give me a headache (haha) and has to love 80’s music.” – Carlo Rufino, Aware & Present Clothing
- A WOMAN WHO CAN BE HUMUROUS
One of the things that can be alluring in a woman is her sense of humor. And men loves a woman who can laugh, have fun, who can laugh at their jokes and who doesn’t take herself too seriously. Most artists like funny men Jed and Roy are attracted to women who can easily get their jokes and laugh with them.
- “Gusto ko yung patay na patay rin sa akin. Mahirap naman kung hindi diba?
- Somebody I could just be myself with, no pretenses. And she would be herself, and be brutally honest.
- Somebody I can laugh with, with a good sense of irony and a little bit of irreverent humor.
In short: chemistry, honesty, humor”
(Late 20’s to Late 40’s)
“What are the top three things that you appreciate most about your wife?”
- SHE LOVES GOD MORE THAN ME
This woman genuinely loves and prioritizes God. She covers her husband and her family in prayers. She is sensitive to God’s leading for her, her family and their needs, and even for other people. She is full of wisdom and she is faithful.
“I appreciate my wife for being a lover of God, a lover of our two children, a lover of my jokes.” – Jonathan B., Married for 20 years
- SHE IS MY LOVER AND BEST FRIEND
She fulfills one of the major things that her man needs, encouragement and support. She’s not just his wife and lover, but she’s also his best friend. She’s her husband’s greatest fan. She loves his jokes and laughs at them even when they’re corny. This woman accepts, understands and respects who her husband is. She is patient and loving towards him and others.
“Joann really knows & acts upon my God-given love language (words of affirmation & physical touch). She loves God & always prays for me. She is my greatest fan (appreciates me and my best friend:)” – Jonathan Camcam, Married for 23 years
- SHE IS CARING AND COMPASSIONATE
“Always caring for me and the kids.” – Randell Tiongson, Life & Personal Finance Coach/Speaker/Author
She’s full of love and always caring for her husband and children. She also has a big heart towards other people. She is committed and she meets their every need. She is gracious and kind.
“Ferdie ‘John Lloyd’ Arquero, Rockstar Photographer, listed: 1. Mahal na mahal ako, si Adam, aming mga ka-pamilya at ang ating Panginoon. 2. Malambing at mabuting may bahay. 3. Mabuti sa kapwa tao”
- SWEET, FUN AND HOT
She’s not afraid of being romantic and sweet. She likes to have fun and never stops to explore. She takes good care of herself and stays attractive and hot for her husband.
“Fun…I have the best times with her. I can’t imagine life without her.” – Paolo Punzalan, Victory Fort Senior Pastor
(And all the women say, ” Aaawww…”)
I also like how Gutch Gutierrez of www.ManOnAJourney.com answered the question, which I think perfectly covers from what a single man to a married one need and want in his woman. Gutch (very much marrid to the lovely lady Rory) said,
“When I was single, the Lord abolished all my “requirements” other than that her heart would love Him more than me. Seems this opened my mind from the constraint of “my type” to the freedom of “His best”. Now that I’m married, I am most thankful for these 3 things:
She carries very little “baggage” and “drama” into the relationship. Trivial things such as toothpaste use and lack of smileys on text messages do not bother her.
She doesn’t patronize me but earnestly finds ways to encourage and build me up. I feel her support is sincere and not because she just has to do it “because God said so.”
I believe that when a woman marries a man, she leaves behind a lot of her dreams and, in faith, exchanges them with something better than God has planned for her under the leadership and vision of this man. Ror had great big dreams, which she left behind for what I “supposedly” have in store. I honestly don’t know what that is yet but she sees that and believes in me even in times when I suck at being a proper leader and godly man.”
As I end this article, I remember one of Andy Stanley’s questions at one of his series entitled “The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating” where he asked his audience, “Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?”
“Men want to be heroes in their wife’s eyes. It boils down to needing respect and appreciation. Some extra dose of lovin’ never hurt too.” – Ardy Roberto, Entrepreneur/Author/Speaker
Yes, we may have a list (physical or mental list) of what we want and need in a partner and nothing is wrong with that. But are we also preparing ourselves for the kind of person that we are looking for? And for those who are already married, are you continuously bringing out the best in each other? Our society needs more men and women who will encourage and uplift each other. We need more men and women with solid values and godly character. What are the ways on how we can cultivate and protect one another? More than sexy bodies, we need more men and women with godly character.
Everything else will eventually sag and decay, but a godly character will last.
Let’s start treating one another not as boys and girls but as men and women and children of God who needs to be valued and encouraged. We need more nurturers and leaders/heroes in this day and age. If you were inspired and encouraged and you think this article can encourage someone, feel free to direct them here. And if you have any questions that you want to know straight from real men and women, leave a comment below or send me a message here.